| back! |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|11:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chillun | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jimmy eat world | ] |
and now im back! from outer space!! somehtign something sad look upon your face!
lj is tootally for the emo attention whore in us all, because deep down we all want to be loved and have someone paying attention to us, so we post stuff on *here* and then people read it and comment and they're like omgikno! and life goes on and you feel happier
so hi!! and heres a new peekture that might make you all giggle
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| recently discarded |
[May. 26th, 2006|04:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "the feel good drag" anberlin | ] |
"I'm here for you" she said
and we can stay for awhile,
my boyfriends gone
we can just pretend.
Lips that need no introduction
Now who's the greater sin
Your drab eyes seem to invite
(tell me darling) Where do we begin.
was this over before?
before it ever began?
Your Kiss,Your Calls,Your Crutch
Like the devils got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your Lips,Your Lies,Your Lust
Like the devil's in your hands
Everyone in this town
is seeing somebody else
Everybody's tired of someone
our eyes wander for help
Prayers that need no answer now
I'm tired of who I am
You were my greatest mistake
I fell in love with your sin
Your littlest sin
was this over before?
before it ever began?
Your Kiss,Your Calls,Your Crutch
Like the devils got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your Lips,Your Lies,Your Lust
Like the devils in your hands
Failure is your disease
You want my outline drawn
You are my greatest failure
Discourse your saving song
was this over before?
before it ever began?
Your Kiss,Your Calls,Your Crutch
Like the devils got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your Lips,Your Lies,Your Lust
Like the devils in your hands
was this over before?
before it ever began?
Your Kiss,Your Calls,Your Crutch
Like the devils got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your Lips,Your Lies,Your Lust
Like the devils in your hands |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2006|03:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  headache | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tears dont fall ~ bullet for my valentine | ] |
Overdose me with your kiss
Baby that's how potent it is.
Clears my mind
Like and epiphany each time
Without you baby love would be a crime
I'm a shell of my usual self
Can't you see?
The heron stalks its prey then flies away
so sweetly.
You've started a fire underwater.
Congratulations here's your prize.
Take it, you only get one.
Don't break it, you only get one.
Be happy, don't fake it, you only get one
Chance to make it all right.
So take it in completely. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2006|03:02 am] |
I heard the world up, late night.
Holding my breath tight, trying to keep my head on right.
There's a chill in the air, nobody could care.
How you're caught up in the fight of your life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|07:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hawthorne heights | ] |
I got third place in the men's saber tournament :D |
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| poems!!! |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|12:25 am] |
these arent the greatest.. no actually they suck. but theres some good lines somewhere.
at least it got me through 2 otherwise mind numbing hours at work:
alone i am ugly
A cloud is but a conglmeration of water droplets.
Alone they are nothing much,
Yet somehow millions of them
Suspended in the air
Create beauty
Add in a splash of color from the setting sun.
It is the clouds that make me see
That no one person can be pretty
But with the help of others cane become;
Can create
Beauty.
----------
on the inside
I can't see it in your eyes or hear it in you words.
To love is how i was raised
I know not how to hate
Not how to discriminate.
I see beauty in the simplest of things.
Beauty is in the smile that you give,
And how eyes as green as your sparkle and shine.
I wonder
How can you be so affectionate and not
Loving?
Love and affetion are the siblings which we
Desire.
Yet there are some show are blind to these kin.
It is lust that they follow
I wonder
Are you one of them?
Nay, we would have bedded long ago were that so!
I pray thee
cease the secrets you keep in yourself
Betray yourself to me!
Be my traitor to your inner thoughts!
Let me know,
Is it Love or Lust?
-----------
clear poetry
If a poem were clear
Would it still be good?
Without being open to interpretation
Would people still like it?
If that poem said nothing of love
Of death
Of life and broken hearts
Would someone relate to it?
If it was clearly
Without a doubt
about a banana
Would a monkey wish to read it?
No. Such a poem would now inspire though
Such a poem would now be a poem
This not-poem would be a statement
An essay
A document
No longer a poem.
-------
a river flows between us. I have to know, is it safe to cross?
Are you too much of a good thing?
Tell me my love
Is it possible to grow sick from you?
Would my stomach ache like eating too many sweets?
Could I die from inhaling you?
Should I limit my does of you?
I wonder, should i find out?
I want you
I want your arms embracing me as you fall to sleep.
Run your fingers through my hair, love
Infect me with your existence
Let the plague of you sweep over my body
Take me to your grave, love, because there is nothing that can be
Too much of a good thing.
-------
then of course i drew a sketch of a little spider that crawled up next to me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|04:55 pm] |
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now i can draw blood from people! |
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| ..and the beat goes on |
[Mar. 28th, 2006|10:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gaaaaaah! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | album:"the curse" ~ atreyu | ] |
so today was off to a fabulous start. i dragged myself out of bed at 1030, took a quickie shower and had lunch then went off to the student union. i get there and i'm all happy-ish because theres a big stack of lottery card things for the OAR/Guster concert tix purchase thing. yeah long story short, we get a lottery number and they assign it to a time slot during which we can get tickets for the concert (im number 1081 and i'll find out when i can get tickets next wednesday). so then i head to the end fo the hallway and get the key for the yearbook room (because i have to unlock it on tuesdays). i work from 1230-330 on tuesdays but since i was there at 12 because i was expecting a line of sorts for the lottery tickets i just decided to clock in anyway. now my job isnt that important at the moment because, well, we just finished a deadline and we dont have much to work with for a while, so i basically sit in the little alcove of a window and read a book with the telephone and a post-it pad by my feet in case people call and i have ot take messages. i got a few calls about people who didnt get their yearboks, mostly because they werent sent out yet, whoops. then of course i feel drowsy for no apparent reason and i move to the couch where i pass out in the middle of my book only to wake up an hour later with a blanket tossed over me and my book neatly on top of my backpack because kelly came in for her little half hour shift.( thanks kelly :) ) after that i head over to the co-op to buy a book that i was supposed to have read the first half of for yesterday (thanks to cliff notes i was able to save myself through a particularly rough day) and now i need to finish the book for tomorrow, im writing this because my eyes need a break, and im just so happy that i got my computer back..details later) then back to the student union for a 430 fencing officer's meeting (yep im an officer) durring which i managed to lose the detachable anntena of my cell phone. so now it resembles mally's with the exception that i took some steel wire and duck tape and made it into a franken-phone which ironically gets better service than it did with the antenna. completely missed my meeting with the drawing club because i went back to the SU to try and find my antenna so i came back to my room at 730 or so to find my computer restarting itself over and over again in 2 minute cycles. apparently there was a power surge or something and my computer errased half of the hard drive.
yay.
luckily im smart and i had a boot cd, a copy of windows xp, and the computer literacy to understand why my computer was restarting itself. but wait! i have a roll clinic in ... 5...minutes.... tossing on my boardshorts and a towel i sprint over to the natatorium to find everyone just kinda chilling outside.. and 3 people trying to pick the lock to the door. the lady that usually lets us in was a no show for about 45 minutes, which is when we get the idea to call campus facilities and operations (kinda like the conglomeration of janators and handymans of UConn) who dont have a key for the building. but they redirect me to the fire department, who has a key for everything! and after explaining the situation and how i was rerouted to the FD for access into the building.. i get thouroghly chewed out on the phone by the old female receptionist about how selfish i was being and how i'm only supposed to call if its an emergeny like someone is dying of a building is on fire. so after calmly appologizing and making her feel bad, we said our goodbyes, hung up, and i told everyone the story, then we packed up the kayaks and went home.
now i just left my computer running its little restart behavior. i get back and tashi said he was bored and started counting the times it restarted... 104 times... with no sucessful attempts but around the 50-something'th time a BSOD started appearing in addition to the restarting.
joyous is the night
i fix the computer via reformatting because im smart like that and then i reinstall the essientials like aim. which had my old profile. which said that kt will always have my heart, in french. now dont get me wrong, i dont hate katie, and i did love her and all, but i am clearly in mallory's possession right now, and with little drama i fixed up my profile to the proper name and color. not white because that mean sjust friends, not red because that means theres mutual love, but pink because its a mixture of the both, a happy medium, which might get to red, which would be very nice.
so thats my night in all of its randomness, i'm just chilling her in my boardies and my spin the bottle regional champion shirt recouperating and getting ready to face tomorrow. check the depressing away message, read it carefully because im not like this forever, im inhumanly happy, all the time, remember? theres a fencing comp on saturday and sunday, thats all i have to look forward to aside from phone calls from special people and the prospect of may, warmth, and the beach with the ever lovely miss pyka |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|05:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "bleeding mascara" atreyu | ] |
as im sitting here on the bench at the campus core, infront of the library watchign the sun rise i reflect on my night,
1 missing keycard/student id which explains why i sitting here..locked out of my building 10 minutes away,
2 bloodshot eyes from staying up all night writing, (See below)
3 pages of a 5 page essay due at 6pm today (11 hours)
4 wheels on my car which i need to move within an hour's time in order to avoid a ticket for being illegally parked and which i need to use to get to middletown,
50 minutes away but before that i need to go home to moodus via route
6 and 66 then on to 149 , 16, and backroads. at
7 :00 i can probably hope to get into my building because thats when some kids go to breakfast for thier
8 am classes which suck royally, except in my case where im thankful they have them so i can get in.
9
10 am i have a quiz in physics which cannont be made up so when i finish that at 10 minutes to
11 am i can take a 1 hour nap before calculus at
12 :30 where i sit and copy out of the book because its more accurate than what i'm being taught through
13 :45 which is the end of class then off to chemistry at
14 :00 where i'll probably be so tired that i'll pass out in the lecture hall and miss everything, thus being farther behind in my understanding the subject. after that i need to read the cliff notes for a book that i havent even bought yet because the co-op doesnt have a copy left. which i'll need to then use to come up with "3-5 discussion questions" for my 6-730pm english class that convienently runs over the same time slot that the club sports coucil selected for a mandatory alcohol awareness lecture (6-8) for which not going to may jeopardize the position of the fencing club on the coucil (that means no funding, no place to practice). i just hope that cory or stacy (coucil pres and secretary) get my emails and understand how uconn is such a great school.
thanks uconn for making my life happy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2006|03:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "to the moon and back" -savage garden | ] |
i'm fairly certain that i'll 1, get arthritis by the time im 20 or 2, develop some sort of physical deformity that i'll hate myself for by the same age. i've gotten better at skating, or at least im less afraid of falling and breaking something, which is a bad thing because i'm gettign over confident at the same time. then there's fencing where because of my new grip (which i adore) i cant feel parts of my ring finger and the space between my index and middle finger knuckles hurts for several hours after practice. let also not forget the new addition of white water kayaking (woot) which seems like oh so much fun, however the chances of my dying ar probably pretty good. either i'll drown, hit a rock while turned over and pass out, thus also drowning me, or i'll hit a rock and break my neck. all fo which are bad and i should probably avoid this at all costs... anyway, lets take a tour through my injuries. my right thumbnail has a nice blood clot under the nail, very unattractive and im ashamed of it. this is because i slammed my thumb in my car door a week or two ago and the door locked shut while i was trying to walk away.. so yes it was very painful and i lost alot of sleep because it kept me awake. just below my index finger knuckle on my left hand there is a nice bone solid lump of swollen tissue from getting slapped wiht a foil blade, this hurt alot but aside from looking like the hunchback of notre dame i'll be okay. my knees are permenantly scarred from my highschool gym class where i skinned them, playing goalie for soccer, let them heal then skinned them again as goalie for hockey. not to mention that i was a fantastic goalie, i just got hit inthe face by most things while blocking the rest at the cost of my knees. my right knee also has a nice bit of road rash on it from skateboarding tonight which is also the cause of the little patch of skin missing from the right elbow. inner thigh, two weeks ago i got hit by a foil tip that dragged from my knee to my crotch.. theres still a red mark in addition to the two parallel marks on the top of the same thigh whihc actually looks kinda cool. countles scars on my left forearm from blazing trails in teh woods through pricker bushes.. that was alot of fun.. well worth the wounds. thats about all i can find right now, but im also just going by what i can see fromt he light of the laptop screen since tashi is asleep.
now you have to ask yourself, "can i still talk to someone so horribly disfigured?!"
(..the answer is yes just in case you were having trouble with that one :p ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|12:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "do you believe me?"~the juliana theory | ] |
well after an interesting day at foxwoods.. i won $50 from bingo, which was cool i guess but then before that i was on the phone with mallorina and some lady comes over and is like, no cell phones allowed in this room. hang up now. she was very rude, but i was just like okay im sorry i didnt know. yeah. it was a rather awkward night and i dont feel like it was worth it at all. i should have stayed home or in waterford. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 19th, 2006|05:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "loose lips sink ships"~A change of pace | ] |
i cease to amaze myself. especially with how much i fit into my zodiac description. seriously. if you ever get a chance to look up the personality type for cancer. i match it exactly. that should be more than enough for anyone who's trying to understand what i'm like. but yes, i had an excellent dinner with mallory jessi and eric though the return trip was a little messy. but i did manage to get another backpack and two necklaces from tumbleweeds (i just need to add a clasp on to them so that i can take them off if i need to) and a moonstone that i was going to make into another necklace for someone special. its just a matter of getting some wire and thread or somehting to that its functional. i was thinking that like a black satin-ish cord would work, ya? black goes with things, and besides black is the color for protection against negativity which couples perfectly with a moonstone, which aside from being gorgeous symbolizes love and happiness. hopefully a wonderful gift. hopefully an occasion for gift giving.
i just spent most of the night downloading and listening to music in hopes to find another band that i can call my own, and the other part fo the night admiring the damage done to the hallway and living it up with my building. i couldnt have asked for a better group of guys to live with. excellent partying. okay. bedtime. hopefully i'll wake up before 1pm |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|03:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "the truth about heaven"~armor for sleep,"chasing you"~nural | ] |
well this past week was vacation and it wasnt nearly long enough. though the weekends were most pleasing, especially this past saturday which i got to spend completely with mallorina and actually wednesday too (i know its not part of the weekend but it was still a really fun day) where i went shopping (awesome shoe laces and a new punk/skater hat) mallory was with me (we went to prov. place) and she finally found some jeans that she likes and she picked up a few shirts, one of which she wore saturday to the winter dance/semi formal black with grey hearts on it, major cuteness going on right there. i must say it was hard not to dance with her, i'm suprised i didnt have to fight off hordes of men the moment we walked in the door, though i did get attacked by gluu and tex (john and austin).. anyway, after nikki beckoned me over to teach buddhascott to dance i went back to my date and danced the night away!! (okay so we were only really there for an hour, but i still had alot of fun)
alrighty.. its about 3am.. and its 45 degrees outside, and im not quite tired. that means its time for a run! so goodnight all! may you all smile for no reason at all or because you have a special someone! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|04:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ghost of you~my chemical romance | ] |
"Ghost Of You" by MCR still makes me cry
im an emotional trainwreck at least once a month.. again..
i need someone to take care of me when im in these little situations..
no im not going to go calling people up.. sorry.. thats your job as my "friends" to realize when im hurting and take action. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|04:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Forget It~Breaking Benjamin | ] |
i need to learn to say no to people.
its very hard ot say no when all you want to do in life is make everyone happy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|03:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alvarez~Funeral For A Friend | ] |
making people happy usually makes me happy
i need someone that i can let into my life.
not just a friend that i can make happy.
Speak sweetness to me, my dear
Take my heart away and unlock it with your key, my dear.
Use your life to find a way into mine, my dear
And forever i will be yours,
My dear.
"The stars will be your nightlights tonight
And I will be your lullaby" |
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| epiphany |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|03:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | All The Rage~ Funeral For A Friend | ] |
Why do we need this
Who was it that said
That great things come to great men
Well that fucker lied to us
There's nothing here but a wasteland,
But I can still see the graves of the dead
but it's useless
most of us would rather sit
than see this wound
that we have created
Let's not last the night
Let's not last the night
I'm sick and I'm tired of always being the good guy
I'm sick and I'm tired of always being the good guy
Senseless and I'm not sure why
I'm not going to pretend that I know all the answers
Of all of these questions
It's got to be good for something
So we'll chalk this up and we'll mount the dead
on the fireplace above right above our guilded heads
I'm sick and I'm tired of always being the good guy
I'm sick and I'm tired of always being the good guy
Like sitting in the back seat (it's all the rage)
and boring me with your body (it's all the rage)
and how many times can I say I'm sorry (it's all the rage)
and really mean it (and really mean it)
and really mean it (and really mean it)
Like sitting in the back seat (it's all the rage)
and boring me with your body (it's all the rage)
and how many times can I say I'm sorry (it's all the rage)
and really mean it (and really mean it)
and really mean it (and really mean it)
and really mean it
Go
Why do we need this
Who was it that said
That great things come to great men
Well that fucker lied to us
There's nothing here but a wasteland
There's nothing here
so basically i figured out that im a danger to myself because i know so many people but i feel so alone. i dont really have any best friend(s). the losest people to being best friends are nick and i guess mallory. at least i know mallory reads this every so often. even if she only does it because i read hers, thats okay, it still makes me feel liek i have some people that care about me. which i should feel anyway because almost everyone i know cares about me beause thats the kind of bond that i make with people. its only bad because then i have to be there for eveyone and make them happy. all the time. i dont have a single weekend for myself until april ish and i still had to cut plans to make it that way. at least i get to do some things that i want to. like going to waterford this weekend to see mallory and nick. thats a plus because i want to do that. so i lied. theres one weekend. but thats it. the rest of the week im busy with various fencing events and such and my homework.
im kinda anxious about prom.. i think im still going, unless mallorina found someoen better which would be okay. of course i'd be disappointed, but i'd get over it. im a college boy, we dont have proms. and i was never a very good dancer.
basically i want someone that
1)wants to kiss me more than i want to kiss them
2) will do the above without me mentioning it
3)that is somehow able to know eveything about me before i say a word
4)appreciates music the same way that i do, and by that i dont mean is restricted to the "band geek social class" but knows how to jump in and out of that little group comfortably, and also recognizes how you cant enjoy certain songs when you're not in a particular mood, and that most, to all rap, sucks and should be considered spoken word rather than music. and that doesnt pick her music only on sound or only on lyrics but a mixture of both. and realizes that i usually dont know the lyrics to a song until i hear it for about the 10th time and so the "omg this song is so sad, listen to the words" comment is very hard for me to respond to
5)is cute yet wild.
6a)doesnt 1)always think about sex 2) never thinks about sex. she thinks about sex when its appropriate
6b) is always horny, yet, under control
6c) doesnt mind and actually enjoys sitting together on a porch with rocking chairs(or the equivalent of) and just talking about life in general, philosiphising, and flirting.
7)notices the little things i do and how most of what it is that i do is symbollic in some sort of way. she recognizes and understands body language. she understands that sometimes when you're in a bad mood, you dont want to talk about it and instead just want her to hug and hold you while you sit and think.
8) cant keep herself away from you, but understands that everyone needs their space. isnt a burden to my way of life
9)understands that everyone needs me and doesnt mind sitting with me or waiting while i take care of other people.
10)if she fences thats a plus, or if she takes a genuine interest in it.. moreover a general interest in me and what i do for myself and everyone(when im not too overwhelmed to do it
11)is 1)shocked 2) impressed and 3) loves me even more if/when i say no to sex
12)takes me places rather than always me having to take her places
thats alot to ask.. i know.. but thats what will make me truely happy. she doesnt exist but its nice to dream.
i just hope that someone will randomly hug me then kiss me and then say hi.
*sigh* |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|12:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  partay! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sieze the day~ avenged sevenfold | ] |
we had our competiton against syracuse today.. only 5 of them but it was still awesome. i did some of my best fencing tonight and im very impressed with how good im getting. i even had a small cheering section (kristi-lynn and tashi, my room mate) there was one time where i was fencing rachel from their team and we ended at 4-4 because the timer ran out so then we had to do the sudden death thing for priority of the touch and she got it (damn coin toss) but i got the touch with a most excellently preformed counter 6 and counter attack (just pretend you know what that is) and then we ordered food and talked and such and it was just a fun night in general. and now im in the middle of partying and talking to katie online and comforting her the best i can because i care and thats what i do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|12:33 am] |
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thankfully.. my breakdowns have become bimonthly |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|10:22 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | slow down~the academy is | ] |
well i dont get paid in my editor job thing until the end of the semester, which is okay because it sounds like an awesome job and i've decided that it would be totally awesome to be a male escort. i just hope i dont have to escort people that are evil |
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