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back! [Apr. 13th, 2007|11:54 pm]
[mood |contentchillun]
[music |jimmy eat world]

and now im back! from outer space!! somehtign something sad look upon your face!

lj is tootally for the emo attention whore in us all, because deep down we all want to be loved and have someone paying attention to us, so we post stuff on *here* and then people read it and comment and they're like omgikno! and life goes on and you feel happier

so hi!! and heres a new peekture that might make you all giggle
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recently discarded [May. 26th, 2006|04:14 am]
[mood |crappycrappy]
[music |"the feel good drag" anberlin]

"I'm here for you" she said
and we can stay for awhile,
my boyfriends gone
we can just pretend.
Lips that need no introduction
Now who's the greater sin
Your drab eyes seem to invite
(tell me darling) Where do we begin.

was this over before?
before it ever began?
Your Kiss,Your Calls,Your Crutch
Like the devils got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your Lips,Your Lies,Your Lust
Like the devil's in your hands

Everyone in this town
is seeing somebody else
Everybody's tired of someone
our eyes wander for help
Prayers that need no answer now
I'm tired of who I am
You were my greatest mistake
I fell in love with your sin
Your littlest sin

was this over before?
before it ever began?
Your Kiss,Your Calls,Your Crutch
Like the devils got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your Lips,Your Lies,Your Lust
Like the devils in your hands

Failure is your disease
You want my outline drawn
You are my greatest failure
Discourse your saving song

was this over before?
before it ever began?
Your Kiss,Your Calls,Your Crutch
Like the devils got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your Lips,Your Lies,Your Lust
Like the devils in your hands

was this over before?
before it ever began?
Your Kiss,Your Calls,Your Crutch
Like the devils got your hand
This was over before
Before it ever began
Your Lips,Your Lies,Your Lust
Like the devils in your hands
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(no subject) [May. 15th, 2006|03:48 pm]
[mood |stressedheadache]
[music |tears dont fall ~ bullet for my valentine]

Overdose me with your kiss
Baby that's how potent it is.
Clears my mind
Like and epiphany each time
Without you baby love would be a crime

I'm a shell of my usual self
Can't you see?
The heron stalks its prey then flies away
so sweetly.
You've started a fire underwater.
Congratulations here's your prize.
Take it, you only get one.
Don't break it, you only get one.
Be happy, don't fake it, you only get one
Chance to make it all right.
So take it in completely.
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(no subject) [May. 2nd, 2006|03:02 am]
I heard the world up, late night.
Holding my breath tight, trying to keep my head on right.
There's a chill in the air, nobody could care.
How you're caught up in the fight of your life.
link7 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Apr. 23rd, 2006|07:08 pm]
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]
[music |hawthorne heights]

I got third place in the men's saber tournament :D
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poems!!! [Apr. 19th, 2006|12:25 am]
these arent the greatest.. no actually they suck. but theres some good lines somewhere.
at least it got me through 2 otherwise mind numbing hours at work:

alone i am ugly

A cloud is but a conglmeration of water droplets.
Alone they are nothing much,
Yet somehow millions of them
Suspended in the air
Create beauty
Add in a splash of color from the setting sun.

It is the clouds that make me see
That no one person can be pretty
But with the help of others cane become;
Can create

on the inside

I can't see it in your eyes or hear it in you words.
To love is how i was raised
I know not how to hate
Not how to discriminate.
I see beauty in the simplest of things.
Beauty is in the smile that you give,
And how eyes as green as your sparkle and shine.
I wonder
How can you be so affectionate and not
Love and affetion are the siblings which we
Yet there are some show are blind to these kin.
It is lust that they follow
I wonder
Are you one of them?
Nay, we would have bedded long ago were that so!
I pray thee
cease the secrets you keep in yourself
Betray yourself to me!
Be my traitor to your inner thoughts!
Let me know,
Is it Love or Lust?


clear poetry

If a poem were clear
Would it still be good?
Without being open to interpretation
Would people still like it?
If that poem said nothing of love
Of death
Of life and broken hearts
Would someone relate to it?
If it was clearly
Without a doubt
about a banana
Would a monkey wish to read it?
No. Such a poem would now inspire though
Such a poem would now be a poem
This not-poem would be a statement
An essay
A document
No longer a poem.


a river flows between us. I have to know, is it safe to cross?

Are you too much of a good thing?
Tell me my love
Is it possible to grow sick from you?
Would my stomach ache like eating too many sweets?
Could I die from inhaling you?
Should I limit my does of you?
I wonder, should i find out?
I want you
I want your arms embracing me as you fall to sleep.
Run your fingers through my hair, love
Infect me with your existence
Let the plague of you sweep over my body
Take me to your grave, love, because there is nothing that can be
Too much of a good thing.


then of course i drew a sketch of a little spider that crawled up next to me.
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(no subject) [Mar. 30th, 2006|04:55 pm]
now i can draw blood from people!
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..and the beat goes on [Mar. 28th, 2006|10:46 pm]
[mood |crankygaaaaaah!]
[music |album:"the curse" ~ atreyu]

so today was off to a fabulous start. i dragged myself out of bed at 1030, took a quickie shower and had lunch then went off to the student union. i get there and i'm all happy-ish because theres a big stack of lottery card things for the OAR/Guster concert tix purchase thing. yeah long story short, we get a lottery number and they assign it to a time slot during which we can get tickets for the concert (im number 1081 and i'll find out when i can get tickets next wednesday). so then i head to the end fo the hallway and get the key for the yearbook room (because i have to unlock it on tuesdays). i work from 1230-330 on tuesdays but since i was there at 12 because i was expecting a line of sorts for the lottery tickets i just decided to clock in anyway. now my job isnt that important at the moment because, well, we just finished a deadline and we dont have much to work with for a while, so i basically sit in the little alcove of a window and read a book with the telephone and a post-it pad by my feet in case people call and i have ot take messages. i got a few calls about people who didnt get their yearboks, mostly because they werent sent out yet, whoops. then of course i feel drowsy for no apparent reason and i move to the couch where i pass out in the middle of my book only to wake up an hour later with a blanket tossed over me and my book neatly on top of my backpack because kelly came in for her little half hour shift.( thanks kelly :) ) after that i head over to the co-op to buy a book that i was supposed to have read the first half of for yesterday (thanks to cliff notes i was able to save myself through a particularly rough day) and now i need to finish the book for tomorrow, im writing this because my eyes need a break, and im just so happy that i got my computer back..details later) then back to the student union for a 430 fencing officer's meeting (yep im an officer) durring which i managed to lose the detachable anntena of my cell phone. so now it resembles mally's with the exception that i took some steel wire and duck tape and made it into a franken-phone which ironically gets better service than it did with the antenna. completely missed my meeting with the drawing club because i went back to the SU to try and find my antenna so i came back to my room at 730 or so to find my computer restarting itself over and over again in 2 minute cycles. apparently there was a power surge or something and my computer errased half of the hard drive.


luckily im smart and i had a boot cd, a copy of windows xp, and the computer literacy to understand why my computer was restarting itself. but wait! i have a roll clinic in ... 5...minutes.... tossing on my boardshorts and a towel i sprint over to the natatorium to find everyone just kinda chilling outside.. and 3 people trying to pick the lock to the door. the lady that usually lets us in was a no show for about 45 minutes, which is when we get the idea to call campus facilities and operations (kinda like the conglomeration of janators and handymans of UConn) who dont have a key for the building. but they redirect me to the fire department, who has a key for everything! and after explaining the situation and how i was rerouted to the FD for access into the building.. i get thouroghly chewed out on the phone by the old female receptionist about how selfish i was being and how i'm only supposed to call if its an emergeny like someone is dying of a building is on fire. so after calmly appologizing and making her feel bad, we said our goodbyes, hung up, and i told everyone the story, then we packed up the kayaks and went home.

now i just left my computer running its little restart behavior. i get back and tashi said he was bored and started counting the times it restarted... 104 times... with no sucessful attempts but around the 50-something'th time a BSOD started appearing in addition to the restarting.

joyous is the night

i fix the computer via reformatting because im smart like that and then i reinstall the essientials like aim. which had my old profile. which said that kt will always have my heart, in french. now dont get me wrong, i dont hate katie, and i did love her and all, but i am clearly in mallory's possession right now, and with little drama i fixed up my profile to the proper name and color. not white because that mean sjust friends, not red because that means theres mutual love, but pink because its a mixture of the both, a happy medium, which might get to red, which would be very nice.

so thats my night in all of its randomness, i'm just chilling her in my boardies and my spin the bottle regional champion shirt recouperating and getting ready to face tomorrow. check the depressing away message, read it carefully because im not like this forever, im inhumanly happy, all the time, remember? theres a fencing comp on saturday and sunday, thats all i have to look forward to aside from phone calls from special people and the prospect of may, warmth, and the beach with the ever lovely miss pyka
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(no subject) [Mar. 27th, 2006|05:32 am]
[mood |irritatedirritated]
[music |"bleeding mascara" atreyu]

as im sitting here on the bench at the campus core, infront of the library watchign the sun rise i reflect on my night,

1 missing keycard/student id which explains why i sitting here..locked out of my building 10 minutes away,
2 bloodshot eyes from staying up all night writing, (See below)
3 pages of a 5 page essay due at 6pm today (11 hours)
4 wheels on my car which i need to move within an hour's time in order to avoid a ticket for being illegally parked and which i need to use to get to middletown,
50 minutes away but before that i need to go home to moodus via route
6 and 66 then on to 149 , 16, and backroads. at
7 :00 i can probably hope to get into my building because thats when some kids go to breakfast for thier
8 am classes which suck royally, except in my case where im thankful they have them so i can get in.
10 am i have a quiz in physics which cannont be made up so when i finish that at 10 minutes to
11 am i can take a 1 hour nap before calculus at
12 :30 where i sit and copy out of the book because its more accurate than what i'm being taught through
13 :45 which is the end of class then off to chemistry at
14 :00 where i'll probably be so tired that i'll pass out in the lecture hall and miss everything, thus being farther behind in my understanding the subject. after that i need to read the cliff notes for a book that i havent even bought yet because the co-op doesnt have a copy left. which i'll need to then use to come up with "3-5 discussion questions" for my 6-730pm english class that convienently runs over the same time slot that the club sports coucil selected for a mandatory alcohol awareness lecture (6-8) for which not going to may jeopardize the position of the fencing club on the coucil (that means no funding, no place to practice). i just hope that cory or stacy (coucil pres and secretary) get my emails and understand how uconn is such a great school.
thanks uconn for making my life happy.
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(no subject) [Mar. 24th, 2006|03:13 am]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[music |"to the moon and back" -savage garden]

i'm fairly certain that i'll 1, get arthritis by the time im 20 or 2, develop some sort of physical deformity that i'll hate myself for by the same age. i've gotten better at skating, or at least im less afraid of falling and breaking something, which is a bad thing because i'm gettign over confident at the same time. then there's fencing where because of my new grip (which i adore) i cant feel parts of my ring finger and the space between my index and middle finger knuckles hurts for several hours after practice. let also not forget the new addition of white water kayaking (woot) which seems like oh so much fun, however the chances of my dying ar probably pretty good. either i'll drown, hit a rock while turned over and pass out, thus also drowning me, or i'll hit a rock and break my neck. all fo which are bad and i should probably avoid this at all costs... anyway, lets take a tour through my injuries. my right thumbnail has a nice blood clot under the nail, very unattractive and im ashamed of it. this is because i slammed my thumb in my car door a week or two ago and the door locked shut while i was trying to walk away.. so yes it was very painful and i lost alot of sleep because it kept me awake. just below my index finger knuckle on my left hand there is a nice bone solid lump of swollen tissue from getting slapped wiht a foil blade, this hurt alot but aside from looking like the hunchback of notre dame i'll be okay. my knees are permenantly scarred from my highschool gym class where i skinned them, playing goalie for soccer, let them heal then skinned them again as goalie for hockey. not to mention that i was a fantastic goalie, i just got hit inthe face by most things while blocking the rest at the cost of my knees. my right knee also has a nice bit of road rash on it from skateboarding tonight which is also the cause of the little patch of skin missing from the right elbow. inner thigh, two weeks ago i got hit by a foil tip that dragged from my knee to my crotch.. theres still a red mark in addition to the two parallel marks on the top of the same thigh whihc actually looks kinda cool. countles scars on my left forearm from blazing trails in teh woods through pricker bushes.. that was alot of fun.. well worth the wounds. thats about all i can find right now, but im also just going by what i can see fromt he light of the laptop screen since tashi is asleep.
now you have to ask yourself, "can i still talk to someone so horribly disfigured?!"
(..the answer is yes just in case you were having trouble with that one :p )
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